A Bot Reviews Avengers: Endgame
by Tamara Yajia on August 20, 2019 at 4:26 pm
A robot watched Avengers Endgame and here’s what it had to say Hello I am a robot and I recently observed the important film: “Avengers Endgame.” Here is my review: Avangers Edamame is a very wonderful movie made by DC. It starts with all the avengers that didn’t become sprinkles having a depression because they miss their dead friends. The alive avengers are: Captain Blondie, Black Mirror, Big Chunk, Thorp, Gun Ferret, Robert Downey Jr. and Girl Thanos. They decide to visit Daddy Thanos and get back the jewelry he stole because they’re out of it at Jared The Galleria Of Jewelry. They find Thanos doing a detox retreat in a planet by himself. He’s wearing an organic cotton t-shirt and working on a farm picking berries and making vegan smoothies. The Afrienders hate this so they get on a spaceship with Caplin Mervel, and Thorn uses his giant pizza cutter to chop his purple head off. But the jewelery is still missing. FAIL. Thank you. You can enjoy the rest of my review if you observe the video on top. It was a pleasure. Bye, bye.
‘Superbad’ Is Already 12 Years Old… What
by Sloane Hughes on August 20, 2019 at 12:03 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Superbad, the beautiful bouncing baby of Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, turned 12 years old this weekend. They grow up so fast, don’t they? It feels like just yesterday that Michael Cera and Jonah Hill bungled their way through the tail end of high school and attempted to complete the most daunting quest of their young teenage lives: Losing their virginities before college. The story was loosely based around Seth and Evan’s high school experience in 1990’s Vancouver (shout out to my hometown), which is why the protagonists bear their names, and while it’s unclear exactly how many of the events in Superbad actually happened in real life, one fact that there is no question about is that Superbad is one of the most quotable and memorable coming-of-age films of all time. To celebrate Superbad’s 12th birthday, here are some of our favorite moments. “That was like 8 years ago, asshole” Matt Muer is the sweetest guy! Bill Hader’s sweet moves This is the perfect summary of how everyone feels during the last stretch of high school “You know when you hear girls say ‘Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn’t have fucked that guy?’” Seth Rogen and Bill Hader as cops who are definitely more reckless than anyone else in the movie SINCE ‘NAM! This entire interaction And, of course, McLovin
Kneel Before The Giant Hand, New Lord Of New Zealand
by Sloane Hughes on August 19, 2019 at 9:37 pm
Courtesy of Twitter This is a nightmare Art is subjective, and that’s what makes it so great. Two people can look at a work of art and see completely different things, which is pretty magical. However, it’s subjectivity is also what causes people to raise their eyebrow and walk away saying, “I didn’t get that at all,” or, “what was the artist trying to say?” or, more commonly, “what the fuck.” Listen, I went to a fine arts university, I saw everything ranging from a single crumpled up juice box on a pedestal to a grad student rolling around in a circle on the floor for an hour as their thesis project. So I get it — sometimes art is just straight up weird. But if it’s in a gallery or in your own home or in art school, then that’s fine! Those are spaces where if you want to get crazy, you can absolutely go to town. It’s a little different when it’s in public. Public art is important, it’s culturally enriching, it can bring communities together, and it can improve your mood on a boring commute to work. Public art can also confuse and terrify everyone, as people in Wellington, New Zealand have learned. The newest public art installation in Wellington is a giant hand. With a face. On top of a building. Give a big hand for Wellington’s newest resident.Quasi, designed by artist Ronnie Van Hout, has been standing on Christchurch City Gallery since 2016 but will now call the City Gallery Wellington roof his new home pic.twitter.com/beNCqkbBv6— Wellington NZ (@Wellington_NZ) August 19, 2019 GAZE UPON THE SENTIENT HAND AND TREMBLE The artist, Ronnie van Hout, named this piece Quasi and described it as a “hybrid face-hand” — which is the laziest description I can possibly fathom for this looming nightmare. I just imagine that conversation like… “What can you tell us about your latest installation?” “It’s a face-hand” THANK YOU FOR THAT DETAIL, WE’D COMPLETELY OVERLOOKED THE FACT THAT IT’S A GIANT HAND WITH A FACE. B R I L L I A N T. Residents of Wellington don’t seem to be in favor of Quasi’s presence, which is weird… it’s almost like no one wants to feel the constant burning stare of a giant, ominous disembodied hand with a human face. The important thing to remember is that it’s just a statue and it can’t actually hurt you. But just to be on the safe side, you should probably never turn your back to it and leave it regular offerings. excuse me wellingtonWHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS NIGHTMARE pic.twitter.com/UbFQaFCLPk— ⚔️calliope⚔️ paxwest (@callioperyder) August 19, 2019 @CateSpice @SeaGoatScreams Wellington, why? pic.twitter.com/6RQvGEE0oQ— Melissa Rose (@Melzyrose90) August 19, 2019 Looks like Wellington local body elections will be decided by who has the best plan for appeasing the cruel will of the hand.— Dan Knox (@knoxdani) August 19, 2019 Is your child texting about Wellington?LOL: laugh out loudTBH: to be honestTHE HAND: all hail our overlord and supreme ruler— Naly_D (@Naly_D) August 19, 2019
Jimmy Fallon Did John Travolta Impressions… Against John Travolta
by Sloane Hughes on August 16, 2019 at 9:11 pm
This is a bold move His wide range of hilariously accurate impressions is what started Jimmy Fallon’s comedy career, and decades after auditioning for Saturday Night Live with musical impressions, it’s nice to see that Jimmy frequently flexes his comedic chameleon skills. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. Occasionally on The Late Show with Jimmy Fallon, he and his guest will take a quick break from the regular interview either for a segment called ‘Wheel of Impressions’ if they’re an actor, or ‘Wheel of Musical Impressions’ if they’re a musician. During these segments, Jimmy and his guest will hit a gold button that activates the ‘wheel’. For acting impressions, it pairs an actor or celebrity who has a famously distinct voice with a completely random topic. So, as an example, Liam Neeson talking about Time Warner Cable. Similarly for musical impressions, an artist with a recognizable voice will be paired up with a random song, like Eddie Vedder singing ‘The Muffin Man’, or a particular song with a random genre, like ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’ sung as an Opera number. It’s so goddamn great. Not only is it hilarious to listen to something as absurd as a dead ringer for Kathleen Turner talk about slip n’ slides, the impressions are so stupidly impressive. During last night’s episode, though, Jimmy did something a liiiiiiittle more specific than usual. His guest was John Travolta, and the two of them did impressions — literally just of John Travolta. When it comes to John Travolta impressions I think John Travolta had a bit of a leg-up on Jimmy Fallon. It seems a little rigged, but regardless, they both totally nailed it.
Emotional Stuntman with Bradley Whitford – Full Director’s Cut
by Funny Or Die on August 16, 2019 at 7:45 pm
When actors are confronted with the darkest and most powerful of emotions, sometimes they need an Emotional Stuntman. One of the best kept secrets in Hollywood, Bradley Whitford who is perhaps best known for his roles in ‘Get Out’, ‘The Post’, and the hit TV series ‘The West Wing’, is also one of the industries most distinguished Emotional Stuntmen. CAST BRADLEY: Bradley Whitford DOCUMENTARIAN: Gildart Jackson MEREDITH: Melora Hardin COLIN: Joshua Malina DIRECTOR: Marta Cunningham AD: Justin Hogan CREW DIRECTOR: Amy Landecker WRITER / EDITOR: Matthew Mayer EDITOR: Salamo Manetti-Lax EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Kate Lilly TALENT PRODUCER: Luke Esselen PRODUCER: Rob Hatch-Miller PRODUCER: Hans Sahni UPM: Jack Bradley 1st AD: Justin Hogan 2nd AD: Lexi Kirsch DP: Matthew Sweeney CAM OP: Matt Diamond ADDITIONAL CAM OP: Nate Cornett 1st AC: Steve Kan 2nd AC: Chris Marius Jones DIT: William Maxwell GAFFER: Eddy Scully KEY GRIP: Keenan Kusnierczyk KEY GRIP: Jay Carey SWING: Joseph Gutierrez PRODUCTION DESIGNER: Andrea Arce Duval COSTUME DESIGNER: Michelle Thompson WARDROBE STYLIST: John Thompson MAKEUP: Brenna Haukedahl MAKEUP: Erin Blinn WARDROBE: Francesca Roth SOUND MIXER: Alex Dawson PA: James Tinsley PA: Ted Copeland POST PRODUCER: Alex Parks VFX & COLOR: Bryan Wieder
The ‘7th Heaven’ With The Developmentally Disabled Glow-In-The-Dark Puppeteer
by Dashiell Driscoll on August 16, 2019 at 2:00 pm
A Very Special Episode: Season 4 Episode 8 Annie says Papa’s glum since he can’t work after a double bypass. Tell him your problems so he feels needed! They claim to have no problems. Ruthie assures them all their shit’s a mess. Like Simon who has a crush on Cecilia but won’t tell her. Plus other drama who cares. Eric mopes about taking off his pants for a day of no work? The dream. He wants to return to meddling in everyone’s affairs. He doesn’t want to feel like (some sick guy) Right, wouldn’t want that, Reverend. Ruthie has some meddling leads. Like Simon and Cecilia plus nine other plots. No thanks. Lucy’s gets approached by Paul. Her friend? Paul quit his job at Pete’s Pizza for showbiz! But first (I need you to tell my brother I’m gonna become a star) K. Paul wants to join The Famous People Players, a (blacklight musical theater company that travels all over the world) All the performers are developmentally disabled like Paul. His homie Tom introduced him to the founder, Diane, aaaand (she said I can be a famous people player) Diane can make it happen in this town! Except Paul’s brother Lenny doesn’t treat him like the full adult man he is. But he’ll certainly listen to Lucy, not a full adult or man. Papa invited Cecilia over! She’s Ashely fucking Simpson. Of course she is. Everyone’s pissed at Eric for sticking his nose in all their shit. Lucy runs in talking nutty about an aspiring puppeteer in the backyard who won’t come in until she calls Lenny. Time for a drug test, young lady. Eric feels worthless. (a week ago I was a man with a purpose…a man who helped his kids) The longer he stays away from kids the better. Paul with the bold intro. (who are you? Who are you? I asked you first) Game set match Paul. Eric returns from his gripping convo to meet Lenny and his wife Marie. Eric’s thrilled about fresh lives to destroy. Only Lenny and Marie are here to talk to Lucy. Not Eric. He’s gonna need surgery again they way you’re breaking his heart. They’re understandably surprised Paul wants to join a glow in the dark traveling puppet show. Lucy tries to sell them. But Lenny doesn’t get it. (he wants to play with puppets) I take it back. Lenny gets it. They say Paul can barely keep a job at Pete’s! Surprise! He can’t do that either. Lucy says he has a lot more potential than Pete’s, shitting on everyone who makes her pizza. She assures these randos that some guy she hardly knows should run away to join the ultra violet circus. Lenny decides what’s best for his brother. Working at Pete’s until he drops dead from greasy depression. Eric and Paul bro out over their sadness. Eric feels useless. And Paul? (I want to be a famous people player. I want to work with Diane, not pizza. I’m a man … I’m a man too) I never say this, but you two have to start a podcast. Ruthie needs advice. Eric passes. Until he gets encouragement from his new bestie. Ruthie has a … uh, friend … being starved and abused by her parents, could’ve sworn we did this last week. Eric is like name names. NOW. Lucy names Alice Brand. Lenny won’t let Paul trade pizza for puppets. Even though that’s an upgrade. Lucy apologies she couldn’t get him released him from his pepperoni prison. But she’s not giving up. She’s got a plan with Diane. Alice Brand and her family got a visit from 12. The Brands don’t appreciate these baseless allegations. The Camdens explain it’s not OK to lie about child abuse because you think being needed will make dad feel better. Where’d she get that idea? Ruthie snitches on her mom with her eyes. Eric says it’s not Annie’s fault he’s sad. (whos’ fault is it? God’s) Well go hop in line for his complaint department behind everyone else who’s ever fucking existed, dude. Lenny and Marie watch a Famous People Players performance with Diane. Paul can’t do that! Guess what, bitches? Paul was on that tape! He quit Pete’s and squaded up last week. Snuck out and took the bus. Just like Boogie Nights, but I assume less hog jacking for money. Diane, the actual Famous People Players founder in real life yes it’s a real thing, says folks scoffed when she started in the 70’s. (create a blacklight … performers) I mean, I kinda see where the scoffers were coming from. But she knew her iridescent theater would make dreams come true. The kind of dreams impossible to realize working at Pete’s Pizza. They give their blessing for Paul to leave them, probably forever, to run around in the dark covered in neon paint. So what did we learn today? Life’s too short. You might get a heart attack! Quit your shitty job and run away from your family with a glow in the dark circus for the developmentally disabled. And Ashlee Simpson was on this show. Crazy. And if you try to fix people’s problems, you will make things worse! So don’t bother. And god hates you. See you next time on A Very Special Episode. Need a proper fix of 7th Heaven? Watch the show now on Amazon or Hulu. CREDITS:Actor/ Writer/ Editor: Dashiell DriscollVFX: Bryan WiederPost Supervisor: Kia Reghab
This Alpaca-Human Dance Off Deserves Its Own Disney Movie
by Sloane Hughes on August 16, 2019 at 12:31 am
I AM IN LOVE We humans tend to think that there’s a lot separating us from other animals for a variety of reasons, like our complex language, infrastructure, and the fact that we’ve developed hobbies, passions, and interests, to name a few. But dolphins and whales have extremely complex language, and bees make structures out of perfect hexagons and they don’t even use rulers. So are we really that different from the rest of the animal kingdom or are we just smart enough to be full of ourselves and kinda dickish? I’m sure at this point you’re all yelling, “but what about the fact that humans have passions and hobbies?! You mentioned that in your opening but you didn’t address passions and hobbies!!” at your screens, to which I say ha HA! I did that on purpose! Because that is going to be the lead into the topic of this article, which I’m sure none of you saw coming!!! Moving on from my cleverness, let us continue. What are you passionate about — sports? Singing? Painting? Those are all things that tons of animals can do if you train them, but we all know that’s not the same as having a passion for it. A passion is something you want to do, unprompted or without reward. Something that you’re excited about. Take dancing, for instance. Sure, you can train an animal to perform certain moves, you can teach them a routine with practice, and a lot of animals will even dance to music on their own, like parrots or cockatiels or other similar birds. (In high school my best friend’s budgie Richard would lose his absolute shit every time Biggie Smalls came on, he wouldn’t dance but he would tweet like crazy for the whole damn track which we assumed was him rapping along. He had taste) That’s all well and good, but is that enough to be able to say that some animals are on the same level as us? Is a bird bobbing its head and singing September — Earth, Wind & Fire a compelling enough argument? How about an alpaca that’s so into dancing it throws down in a full on dance battle??? HE LITERALLY EVEN WAITS FOR HER TO BE DONE BUSTIN’ A MOVE BEFORE HE DANCES. THE SPORTSMANSHIP!! I NEED MORE. I gotta be honest, I’m not invested in anything enough to test my skills in a battle against someone else, especially if that someone else is a different species. This is the kind of bond that births Disney movies. So there you go, maybe more of your animal pals have hobbies that you don’t even know about. Maybe we aren’t so different after all. Only one way to find out! Challenge your golden retriever to duelling pianos, bring your stamp collection outside and see if any squirrels are into it, ask the local crows how they feel about Shakespeare!
Throwback To Will Ferrell And Mark Wahlberg’s Dad Joke Standoff
by Sloane Hughes on August 15, 2019 at 7:50 pm
You’re probably gonna want to get your notepad out and jot a few of these gems down Ahhh, dad jokes. Simultaneously the best of comedy, and the worst of comedy. The kinds of jokes that make you want to walk right out of the building and groan for a full 24 hours. Just the worst jokes that are never okay, unless you’re the one telling them, then they’re downright hilarious. Jokes that make your mother say, “oh for fuck’s sake,” but crack your father up, and make your grandfather shed a single, proud tear, knowing that the pun-torch is being carried down through the generations. Jokes that are so bad they’re good; jokes that we can’t help but laugh at, and then hate ourselves for laughing at. Dad jokes, at their most basic level, are just puns. And anyone can tell a pun. But not everyone can tell a dad joke. To turn your average, run-of-the-mill pun into a dad joke, it needs to be told from a place of complete, unabashed self-satisfaction. You have to be just so totally pleased with yourself before, during, and for a looooong time after you tell it. You have to ease into the delivery, but ham it up enough that everyone knows what’s coming, and you can see the looks of “oh no, oh no this is going to be so bad” form on their faces in real time. You need to relish in every “UGHHHHHH” that follows. It needs to make your day and ruin everyone else’s. In order for it to be a dad joke, you should be the only one laughing, and you should be laughing hard. It’s truly a skill and an artform, and All Def Comedy pits the best of the best (or the worst of the worst, depending on how you feel about dad jokes) against each other in their video series You Laugh, You Lose. Two comedians enter, only one leaves. Well ok actually they both leave because it’d be crazy if a dad joke battle was a fight to the death but that just sounded cool didn’t it? The entire series is hilarious, but back in 2017, a battle of titans went down — a battle to see who is the master of dad jokes: Will Ferrell, or Mark Wahlberg?
Live Action Frozen with Bella Thorne and Mae Whitman
by Funny Or Die on August 15, 2019 at 6:31 pm
Bella Thorne and Mae Whitman star in Disney’s latest live-action adaptation of an animated movie. Because the world needs that. Starring: Bella Thorne & Mae WhitmanDirector- Andy BushWriter- Lindsay KernsProducer- Brianne TrosieEditors- Jack Bishop & Justin NijmDP- Yuki NoguchiGaffer- Ben SalvettiGrip- Chris PeveyCam Op- Bret WatkinsProduction Design- Tricia RobertsonSound- Mike RobertsonWardrobe- Jordy ScheinbergHair & Makeup- Jessica Leigh SchwartzPA- Josh Kay
Ron Burgundy Dives Into The Internet With A Cyber Security Expert
by Ron Burgundy on August 15, 2019 at 6:21 pm
It’s a mercurial place, as Ron calls it, and this episode is the ultimate guide Few people know how the internet actually came to be, but Ron Burgundy has done extensive research for this podcast. Extensive research that he had to do, mind you, because Carolina didn’t send him any notes before the episode. Or did she? Maybe his fax machine was just out of paper, who’s to say. The internet is here to stay and Ron Burgundy has a lot of questions about it, as we all should. It’s a dangerous beast! Are your children safe? Are the elderly safe? Is anyone safe? There’s a lot to discuss, that’s why Ron brought in Cyber Security Expert, Richard Greenberg. To warm up, Ron and Carolina learn a bit about Richard and about his job as a Cyber Security Expert. For instance, is Ron allowed to call him Dick? Does he carry a badge and a gun? Because it seems like he should get to carry a badge and a gun. After the pleasantries, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty, and Ron asks the questions that are on everyone’s mind: How do you create a strong password? What are hackers? What is the dark web? Can you buy quaaludes there? All things that we need to know. Richard Greenberg fields all of these important questions and more, providing extremely useful information on how to keep yourself safe on the internet, and some insight into whether or not we should be afraid of robots. You might think you know a lot about the internet and cyber safety, but how much do you really know? If you spend time online, which you do because you’re reading this right now, Ron and Carolina’s talk with Richard is a must-listen. New episodes of “The Ron Burgundy Podcast” drop every Thursday. Check out all the available episodes of “The Ron Burgundy Podcast” on Apple Podcasts and iHeartRadio now.